The Confabulator Cafe

Tag: writing

  • The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Written

    I haven’t participated in NaNoWriMo since 2012, but I’m still reaping the writing rewards of that one year.

    My fiction before that NaNoWriMo had been mostly successful. All of my plays were awarded staged readings and most of my short stories got published. Of course, I had only written two plays and three short stories over the course of 11 years. Five things total. I was a 29 year old woman who had wanted to write fiction all my life, but I just didn’t do it.

    It would have been embarrassing to turn out something from my own imagination that was imperfect and less than brilliant. And so I didn’t write fiction. I wrote news articles, academic papers, and grant proposals successfully. After all I could write, but those weren’t pieces of my Very Own Personal imagination on display, so I felt less exposed.

    In 2012 I could see my 30th birthday approaching and I had always thought that I would have finished my first novel before I was 30. Still just the two plays and three short stories. So I jumped on the NaNoWriMo bandwagon.

    Writing for a word count taught me to just keep going. My novel was wretched. I did have a couple of moments of brilliant extemporizing that were exhilarating, especially so since I am an avid plotter and in no way shape or form a seat-of-your-pants writer. But mostly it was horrible.

    I found it freeing to have written something horrible. Whatever I wrote next couldn’t possibly be the worst thing I’ve ever written. Nope. That was my NaNo Novel. Crown taken.

    So, I have learned to keep going through painful stories, through half formed ideas, bad plots, weak characters, etc. I have decided that I can learn nothing from stories I don’t write. And so, whenever I can make time for my fiction hobby, I write. I’m getting better, too.

  • Writers & Exercise

    There seems to be some evidence that people sit too much.

    Well, that’s some low-hanging fruit there, but it’s true and it’s something that we don’t think about. When we’re in the car we don’t think “I’m sitting down”, we think “I’m heading somewhere”. Or something like that.

    I’m here to tell you that I spent the summer of 2012 essentially on my butt. The entire summer. This matters because I didn’t think I was just sitting around. No, I was writing. Creating new stories, revising others and surfing the Internet. Watching TV. Visiting with friends. Worse, I’d broken the habit of walking every morning for 2.5 – 3 miles. A habit I’d acquired over five years. Every morning out for a walk. Unless it was too cold (under 45*F) or there was lightning or I had to be somewhere before 8 AM.

    I fooled myself into believing I was being creative, learning, vegging out, whatever. I never considered that it would cause me problems. My knees started hurting. There were little aches and pains that developed. I thought nothing of them. Come fall when I became more active, much more active, I didn’t notice that I was having troubles.

    My knees got worse. I didn’t notice that I was actually slowing down when I walked places. I failed to see that I had begun to have trouble breathing.

    That was the beginning of the trouble that would eventually land me in the hospital with massive bilateral pulmonary embolism. The trouble that nearly killed me.

    I was living with untreated (and at that point undiagnosed) ulcerative colitis. My failure to move about I’m sure contributed to the problem. It had to. Thankfully it appears the colitis is heading towards remission. I’m walking regularly and things are much, much better. Doesn’t mean I don’t worry, that I don’t take note of every little ache and pain that pops up but I keep track of the ones that don’t exist any more, too. There are more of the latter than the former.

    But when I’m writing, when I get in The Zone, it’s hard to remember that I need to get up and walk around. I mean, I don’t want to lose the roll I’m on and I don’t want to have to come back in fifteen or twenty minutes and remember where I was. I’m sure the same thing applies to you.

    My own experience tells me that I do need to do that, though. That’s why I modified my old drawing table and turned it into a standing desk. At first I didn’t think it would be for me but it turns out one of the benefits of standing is that when I get frustrated and need a break from the screen I can walk away instead of leaning back in my chair.

    Sounds simple but it’s effective. I don’t lose The Zone and I move around for a couple of minutes. It rests my eyes, gets the blood flowing and burns a couple of calories. Another side benefit is that I tend not to snack when I’m standing. I still drink coffee or whisky, let’s not be silly, but the snacking and the moving around are good for me.

    This may not be for you. I exhort you to consider, though, the report I linked to above. What can it hurt?

    (Note: I cross posted this from my blog because the Cafe is an appropriate venue to discuss this.)

  • Outlining for Dummies, or Why an Outline Is Not for Me

    Throughout my life I have been presented with the daunting task of creating an outline. High school English teachers treated them like they were the be all and end all of papers. No good paper could be written without a clear outline in place.

    That was problematic for me. My brain doesn’t function from an outline. How do I know what’s going into that paragraph until I’ve already written it? As I write, I discover that the point I wanted to make actually belongs four paragraphs down. Which, I’m sure my teachers would insist would present itself as I outlined.

    It doesn’t. Not for me. (more…)

  • Being Real

    I have nothing to say.

    Inaccurate: I have a lot to say about how I feel about fiction writing, the goals I have for next year, or even the mild bitterness about my ex-husband’s support of those goals. But my immediate urge is to self-censor all that:

    This is a community blog; no one needs your bullshit. You’ve already used that “writing is hard” meme a dozen times. Making goals is a recipe for failure; just go with the flow. Stop thinking in thoughts separated by a semi-colon.

    I’m willing to bet if I pull up the Google Machine right now and search “writing self-censoring,” I’ll already find a dozen topics on the ways that writers shy away from opening themselves up on the page. I’m not going to do that, because it would be another reason not to write about it.

    (more…)

  • Can’t Let Go

    Not letting these stand in my way because I can't let go of my desire to tell stories.
    Not letting these stand in my way because I can’t let go of my desire to tell stories.

    Been awhile since I’ve been here in any regular capacity. It seems, as I expected, that the Cafe has survived quite nicely and even thrived in my absence. For those who don’t know, here’s the short version: I got sick, really sick, and had to take some time to get healthy before I could think straight about what I needed to do to be a writer. Let me tell you up front that coming close to dying can truly change one’s mindset. Anyway, I’m a lot better and the outlook is good.

    All right, enough about that. It’s old news at this point for anyone who knows me and tedious going for everyone else who doesn’t really care. I mentioned it to give some context to why I think about certain things and how they may’ve changed.

    Now [rubs hands together], let’s get back to it, shall we? (more…)

  • NaNoWriMo #6 part 3

    2013-Participant-Square-ButtonHello again. Here we are, having survived the dread week two of National Novel Writing Month and deep in the mushy middle of the book I’m writing.

    As I type I’m 35,000+ words into the book, which is planned for 100,000 or so words. The first third is behind me and I’m still liking the book. I’ve done some terrible things to my main characters so far and one of them is still fairly unlikable. But that’s on purpose. Also, only two people have died. One off-stage and the other in front of my eyes. I won’t lie, it hurt. It was necessary to move the plot along and lays some groundwork for the end. Others may die along the way. We’ll see when we get there.

    When I’m not working, I’m writing or holding a cat in my lap. Even when I’m at work I’m thinking about what I could be writing. This year counts as a major success for me so far not because I’m way ahead of the game and hitting a higher average daily word count than I aimed at, but because  I’m balancing work, exercise (which is more important than ever), family life and the writing all at once. Somehow it’s coming together again.

    That didn’t happen last year. The first time was in 2011 and that novel is maybe the best thing I’ve written. Until this year, anyway.

    It’s going well, some parts are easy and others not so much. Familiar characters and settings are fun and putting them through their paces is even more fun. I like trying to figure out how they’re going to react. The best part of inventing the future through stories is finding the difficult bits and working through them to the easy ones.

    Now I’ve got writing to do. Talk to you next week. Hope your novel’s going well, too. Tell me about it if you want.

  • NaNoWriMo #6 part one

    2013-Participant-Square-Button[Looks around.]

    Um, hi. It’s nice to be back. Been a while. How are you all doing?

    So yesterday I started my sixth NaNoWriMo story in six years. I’ve won every year I’ve played but twice I didn’t actually ‘finish’ the novels I was writing. The first one (my third novel) just kind of petered out because I was pantsing too much, had no idea where it was going to go or how it would get there. I’ve thought about it often ever since because I love the story (it’s a first contact tale) and the characters. I’ll get back to it eventually.

    The other NaNovel I didn’t finish was the one from last year. At 56,000 words I gave up. There were too many issues with it and I was focused on the book from the previous year (my fourth if you’re trying to keep track). That story was so good and the feedback that came back was excellent and I spent time editing it and polishing and revising and re-writing and everything one is supposed to do to a novel. This year it’s spent time out on submission (where it currently is) and I’m collecting rejections.

    Last year’s book was a sequel to that one. It’s also the story I’m re-writing from page one this year. I changed the POV and added some really sinister villains and figured out HOW to tell the story that I wanted to tell. It simply took me longer than I thought because I wasn’t totally finished with the first one in the series. (Well, I’m not sure it’s a series yet. As of this writing it’s a book with one sequel. We’ll see.) Anyway.

    Because of circumstances, I didn’t get to start writing until Friday evening November 1st. And it was a bit of a struggle. Normally I’m a morning writer so that probably contributed but I think it was really just nerves. Once I got past the first thousand words things seemed to go better. Today (Saturday) I knocked out 2600+ words really quickly and most of them were all right, a few were really good and some will definitely be edited out.

    But the point is that the flow came back. And it came back strong, like a Colorado river in springtime. Lots of whitewater. This year will be different for me because I’m going to have to spend more time writing in the evenings rather than the morning because of my job. I’m okay with that but I’m hoping it’s not going to be a real struggle. I suspect not because I’ve got a lot of practice writing. Once upon a time I could tell you how many words I’ve written but not any more. It’s gotta be near a million, but I don’t know.

    As I write this, I’m anxious to get back to writing on the novel (it’s called The Silent Well if I didn’t mention that earlier) and I’m hoping to get another 500 or 1,000 words down before I go to bed. So I’m going to sign off here to eat some dinner and try to dig back in.

  • Without a Notebook

    Some people have notebooks they fill with quotes, ones from celebrities, political figures, other writers, even their moms. I’m not one of those people. While I might be momentarily inspired by something I read or hear, it is not lasting. Going back to the same words of encouragement do nothing for me.

    I generally find inspiration from new situations and new experiences. Or barring that from favorite books. A notebook filled with “you can do it” only makes me feel worse when I continuously fail. (more…)

  • Books Are for Boring People, Not Ten Year Olds

    I’ve done research. I’ve spent hours in a library, flipping through books so dusty I couldn’t stop sneezing for weeks after touching them. I’ve gotten lost in the stacks of my University library, fearfully glancing over my shoulder every few seconds. The flickering lights and echoing silence of the building can’t help but make me feel like I’m trapped on the set of a horror film.

    I’ve done research. I’m familiar with what it takes. But that’s for writing boring papers. That sort of research is what you do when you have to worry about being factually correct.

    It isn’t the type of research that you do when you’re ten years old and you and your best friend decide you’re going to write a novel. (more…)

  • Writing It Down For Later

    The Mad Thinker is a Marvel Comics character created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee back in the day.
    The Mad Thinker is a Marvel Comics character created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee back in the day.

    Inspiration is a tricky thing to describe. Kind of like trying to capture scents with a mason jar underwater.

    I mean to say that one never knows when something will strike the flint and and an idea will erupt into flaming life. It’s part and parcel of being a writer that one must keep records of lots of things.

    Of course one runs across so many things in the Age of the Internets. It used to be that I’d just write stuff down as I came across it when I read something else. It all starts, as these things do, in the beginning. The formative years, when we begin to realize that being an astronaut or a fireman isn’t going to be what we really want to do, is when we find something that really connects the dots. One of the first things I wrote down came from Chris Claremont, the writer of Uncanny X-Men:

    “What you do not comprehend is that we are dying from the moment of birth, indeed, from the instant of conception. Creation bears within itself the seeds of its own destruction.

    Our lives are finite things. We live our allotted span and are no more. Regardless of what we may do, how hard we try, the best we can hope for is a brief delay of the inevitable. It is sad. Even cruel. But it is our most fundamental reality to be faced and accepted.”

                                         –Colossus, Uncanny X-Men 165 (vol. 1)

    That really affected the teenaged me. It was a point of view I hadn’t considered before. It’s something that I have referred to often despite being one of the most overwrought pieces of comic book writing ever. It’s a moment between two people and the feelings are genuine and there are true things said. It’s a philosophy.

    It affected me enough to want to be a writer and to, as often as I can, tell the truth as I see it.

    As I’ve become more and more a storyteller, I have collected quotes about writing that mean a lot, that keep me moving forward. The Cult of Done has been one of the biggest, most influential pieces, too. I blog about it a lot.

    DONE IS THE ENGINE OF MORE.

    — Bre Pettis

    But then there’s the curmudgeon Harlan Ellison who might sue anyone who quotes him. Still, this bit, from an interview conducted during the release of Dreams With Sharp Teeth (which you should watch often) over at Comic Book Resources, gave me a quote that gets me through every single day:

    “You can either seek the approbation of the monkeys or you can continue to produce your art at the level at which you do it best.”

    — Harlan Ellison

    Since I’ve got a bum ring finger as I type this, I’m going to wrap up with my favorite quote about writing and the process of writing:

    “Finish your shit.”

    That’s good ol’ Chuck Wendig.

    Yeah. So moving from the philosophy of Claremont’s most human character to the foul-mouthed-but-sensitive Wendig, the things that inspire me to write are pretty varied. I have a quote for just about any occasion, should I need something to pull me through a tough spot of writing.

    Of course every spot of writing is tough. All those scraps of paper tacked to the bulletin board over my desk are there to distract me from the hard work and at the same time remind me that it’s hard work.

    Ah, the life of a writer…