Well, here we are. The dreaded week two. Jane Lynch continues to scream abuses into my ear, but I have to admit, her voice is getting weaker.
I’m currently well over 30k words, but the gap between the regular NaNo goal and my spazzy personal goal is narrowing. I still hope to catch up and finish this first novel by next Monday, though. Not quite a two week NaNo finish, but damn close.
Still, this is about training myself to write every single day, regardless of whether I feel like it. Because it’s my job. Jane’s right about that, at least. I’ve had two or three days where I only managed to produce 1500 words, but other than that, it’s been 2-4k every day.
Every book I’ve written has, at some point, sent me into a spiral of self-doubt. Usually it begins right around the 30k mark. The fact that it didn’t hit me this time until about four chapters from the climax scene (at which point, it’ll be downhill, and I’ll finish quickly) must mean something. Either my ego has grown tremendously since the last one, or maybe, just maybe, this one is better.
But I seriously doubt it.
I look at what I’ve written up to this point and pound my chest in despair. It’s not funny enough. People expect me to be funny. This one is so dark. I’ve already cried twice since I started writing it. There are continuity issues that need to be fixed. One very important character doesn’t sound the way I want her to, except for rare one-liners. I have too many characters. My story has holes. I am the worst writer on the planet.
And I’d rather set my hair on fire than write another festering word.
And that, my friends, is the dreaded NaNo week two.
So, yeah. My progress has slowed. But that’s okay. I’m still making progress each day, even if it’s not at the pace I’d wanted. And I will still finish about two weeks early.
You know why?
Because I need a two-week break from this piece of crap before I start editing it into something I can send my editor a month later without her falling into a dead faint.
If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is.