The Confabulator Cafe

Tag: fear

  • Ignoring Thunderdome

    I honestly spend very little time thinking about the future of the publishing industry. I find the blank page intimidating enough as it is, and I don’t need additional reasons to feel insecure about what I’m doing.

    I try to avoid news about who is merging with whom or what Mrs. Megapublisher’s stance is on digital rights because I know what would happen if I ever started down that particular rabbit hole. My eyes would be opened to a larger reality that would do nothing to instill confidence in my aspirations. In turn, I would feel the need to exhaustively search for as much positive news as I could, stories about how it’s not nearly as difficult to break in as I had feared.

    (For the record, I equate the difficulty of reaching and maintaining success in publishing somewhere on the order of surviving Thunderdome.)

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  • Escaping to Write

    I don’t make time to write. I make time to run . . . away.

    Lately that’s the only way I can get anything done.

    Like most of my still-waiting-to-become-career-novelist friends, every day is a balancing act between competing responsibilities. I work from home, I’m the primary care giver for my two children, and I really want to make this literary thing happen. Each of these areas has its own agenda, and rarely do they work in concert.

    In the past, I’ve done a decent job of compartmentalizing things. When the kids were home, I’d focus on their needs. But when the munchkins were at school, I’d divide my time between writing fiction, writing for work, and chores around the house. Lately, though, things have kind of fallen apart.

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  • No Fear

    self_esteemThis year has been crazy awesome, and it’s changed me accordingly. It’s quite possible that I, myself, am crazier than I started out at the beginning of the year. Or maybe I started out this way. You have to be at least a little nuts in the first place to choose writing as a career.

    Over the course of the last year I’ve written countless blog posts, more than a dozen short stories (thanks in large part to this blog), and another novel. I’ve also gone through edits with a fabulous professional editor on two other novels. Over the course of all that, I know I’ve improved as a writer. I think it would be impossible not to get better with all that going on. (more…)

  • Focus on Now; The Future Can Wait

    Dear newbie writer type,

    Word has it that maybe you’re a little concerned about running out of ideas one day. Well never fear, my friend. I have some advice for you that’s going to make it feel all better.

    Shut up!

    Not what you were looking for? Maybe you were hoping for something a little more . . . uplifting? You wanted someone to massage your ego as opposed to pistol whipping it? (more…)

  • I Can’t Quit You: Return of the Attention Whore

    I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I am an attention whore. As such, it is hard for me to quit something that might garner me praise. It’s shallow, I know, but it works for me.

    That doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I absolutely want to quit writing. I definitely have those moments of desperate frustration when, more than anything else, what I’m actually doing is running away from writing. I have a classic love/hate relationship with the creative process.

    The meditative high you get when you’re on a roll and the words are flowing is an addictive feeling. At the same time, the dread of a deadline when you don’t feel like you have anything worth saying is equally devastating. And those times when you lie in bed feeling guilty about the words you didn’t produce that day are just agony.

    I freaking hate the way writing, or perhaps I should say the way not writing, makes me feel. At the same time, I crave that attention you get when you actually manage to do a good job. If even one person comments that they enjoyed something I wrote, I’m on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

    Feed the monkey, people, and he will dance.

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  • Lost and Found: Navigating Your Way Back to the Story

    Here’s what we do as writers. When we’re asked to write these blogs, about whatever the subject may be, we tell you what works for us.

    We are not experts or authorities on some long-decided rule of law. We’re people with lots of opinions and varying levels of experience, and that’s about it. So when we’re asked to comment on whether or not writer’s block is a real thing, the only honest answer is we don’t know.

    There are a lot of people out there who have no problem telling you writer’s block is a myth. Writer’s write, after all, and if you aren’t doing that, well . . . you’re not much a writer then.  So stop making excuses already.

    I’ve read a lot of posts like that, some of them by authors I admire. But here’s where I part ways with that line of thinking.  If our minds can totally screw with us in every other aspect of our lives, why is it hard to believe it could prevent us from writing? What is so special about the written word that it is somehow inoculated against mental blockades?

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  • Entertain Yourself. The Others Can Wait.

    I think a lot of writers hate themselves, at least a little. We desperately want to have someone look at our writing and tell us that it’s good, that they want to publish it, and that we are worthy of the career we’ve been pursuing. We want readers and respect and most of all, validation.

    But every writer I know, at least the ones who are apprenticing the hell out of their work and constantly trying to get better, also have this fear that they don’t measure up. That they probably never will. And in their quiet time, when no one’s around, they wonder if they should just stop. If they should finally let go of the writing and the dream and everything else that goes with it. Because belief is hard and the signs of failure are everywhere.

    Not being able to believe in ourselves prevents us from believing in our work, and this is why many of us never think our stories or novels or screenplays are ready to see the light of day. For all the self-naysayers among us, I have two words for you: shut up. Your head’s in a dangerous place and you’re being self-destructive.  You aren’t preventing rejection. You’re guaranteeing a lack of success.

    It’s time to stop hating on your stories. Write something you like. Write something you would want to read. Tell a story that amuses or haunts or titillates you. Work on making it the best you know how, and then let it go. Send it out into the world, and move on to the next thing. There should always be a next thing.

    When it comes to my own writing, I try to make myself smile. It’s hard to laugh at your own jokes as you’re writing them, but if I do manage to pull it off, I know there’s a good chance I’ve got something good. Sometimes it’s a story. Other times it’s a chapter. I will even admit that I spent the better part of the day chuckling at a one-liner I slipped into scene.

    I realize there’s a chance that my audience could eventually end up just being me. That thought is almost enough to make me want to walk away from the keyboard altogether, but I try not to. Most days I succeed. But when I make myself laugh, I’m having a good time, and it’s a good day. And when other people laugh along with me, well … that’s just about as sweet as it gets.

  • F’ing Insufficient

    When I initially started thinking about this week’s post, I had every intention of writing about the same mundane roadblocks that many writer’s face: the distractions of television and the internet, the necessity of work, keeping up with household chores, taking care of kids/pets/whatever, etc. It would have been quite the exciting post, let me tell you!

    Then I wrote my Worry Wart post, discussing what topics inspire my writing. And I realized while writing that post that Fear is not only a common theme for my writing, it’s also the most common theme for my not-writing. I write about things that worry me, but I worry that what I write isn’t good enough, and that prevents me from writing. Ugh.

    Then, fortuitously, I read a post over at Penny Arcade from Jerry Holkins that seemed to crystalize my thoughts on this topic perfectly. The post wasn’t necessarily about writing, but about any creative venture (in this particular case, DMing a role-playing tabletop game). In the post, Holkins notes that, when soliciting public opinion on your creative works, there is always the worry that the author, “Does not have it. The suspicion. There’s a way to find out, of course, but this carries with it the danger of verification.”

    And there it is.

    How do you find out if you’re writing is good enough? You put it out there and let people be the judge. Unfortunately, there is always the risk that, as you’ve secretly feared, your writing is NOT good enough. And rather than face harsh, soul-crushing judgment, sometimes it feels easier to not submit anything for evaluation in the first place. (more…)

  • Being Fear’s Bitch: A Guide to Not Writing

    Stop being a filthy, damned liar.  The only thing keeping you from writing is you.

    You don’t have the time? Make time. You’ve got a busy life? Then schedule it in. Either start being honest about the reason you’re not writing, or start being honest about the fact that you don’t want it enough to make it happen. Because if you did want to see this thing through, you’d start sacrificing to get there.

    The true reason you aren’t writing is because you’re afraid. You think you’re not good enough or smart enough or clever enough. You don’t value your own perspective. You think anything you had worth saying has probably already been written by someone else, and you bet they were a lot more talented than some coffee-shop hack with a laptop.

    You know why you write in restaurants? Because strangers feel less judgmental than family. Those people ordering lunch have no idea what you’re working on. They probably don’t give a good god damn about you anyway, and they sure as hell don’t have a clue about what you secretly hope to achieve. Anonymous is neutral and numbing and safe.

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