The Confabulator Cafe

Tag: confidence

  • The Dead Lines Crossed Off

    http://cdn.be-your-change.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/confidence.jpg
    Yeah, confidence is buried in there somewhere. Just has to be unearthed from the pile of insecurities. 2013 is about capitalizing on that.

    Oh what a year 2012 was. In November 2011 I wrote the best thing I’d ever written and I intended to get it edited and submit it for consideration to publishers.

    I did that.

    I’m not talking about resolutions, I’m talking about what resolving to do that did to me.

    There’s this theory that I have talked about in the past in other places about how everything is built on the simple concept of The Line: a connector between points A and B or S and T or whatever you want them to be. Once humans started connecting things we were fated to do things like write with pictures then letters or numbers. To build things with branches and stones, to connect one corner to another with a line of materials and then to keep building on those lines.

    A Wandering Line is a connection that’s not made or that veers off away from point E to points unknown or undefined. A Dead Line is one that terminates before it reaches the intended connecting point.

    Prior to 2012 there were a number of Dead Lines in my writing career. I have to acknowledge that some of those missed connections (aw, jeez, who’d’a thought I’d make THAT reference?) were simply from the fear of making that connection. Those Lines might, indeed, have died but at least they would have been natural deaths instead of just sort of falling off a cliff, dragged by a huge hairy wolf made of fear.

    I’m talking about rejection.

    No one wants to hear that their work isn’t ready or good or anything that isn’t positive.

    But I’m not afraid of that rejection any more. Not at all. I’ve gotten several “thank you but no” emails after submitting short stories and I got one very nice “I like it but it’s not ready” note.

    But I made those connections. Those points were joined and now they have to be built upon.

    I got there by having the time to spend on the novel, making the effort to revise the thing and make it better.

    So how have I changed as a writer this year? Quite simply I’ve identified some glaringly obvious (now they’re obvious) problems with my work and made myself better. Hopefully I’m good, but I’m definitely better than I was when I wrote that novel that I’m so proud of.

    That “I like it but it’s not ready” note wasn’t at all troublesome. In fact it increased my resolve to continue the Line that would take me from enthusiastic amateur writer to published author.

    2013 is the year of having the confidence to build on those Lines, make the connections, and get to the next point. It’s time and I know it. So improved writing skills and the confidence to keep after it are the major changes for the year.

    I’m looking forward to making the connections that will allow me to garner readers. Then building on them to define a universe that pulls you in.

    And crossing off those Dead Lines and not worrying about them any more.

  • Confidence: It’s a Friend Thing

    I’m a guy who’s never been good at making friends.

    It’s not that I’m a hermit, though my family has speculated as much. And I honestly enjoy the company of others. In the past year, I’ve discovered that I’m actually quite fond of people. Who knew?

    But what has always tripped me up in the past is some deep-seated insecurity that has set up shop in the darker corners of my brain. Whenever I would start to hang out with people on a regular basis, I would inevitably begin to question their motives.

    In my mind, new-found friends were always humoring me. When they would invite me to do things, I was sure it was only out of a sense of obligation or pity. After a particularly enjoyable conversation, I’d go home and dissect the exchange, highlighting all the areas where I’d either sounded like a fool or come across as an arrogant ass. Whenever I would get a compliment, I would immediately deflect it and chalk it up to false, albeit well-meaning, kindness.

    (more…)

  • Entertain Yourself. The Others Can Wait.

    I think a lot of writers hate themselves, at least a little. We desperately want to have someone look at our writing and tell us that it’s good, that they want to publish it, and that we are worthy of the career we’ve been pursuing. We want readers and respect and most of all, validation.

    But every writer I know, at least the ones who are apprenticing the hell out of their work and constantly trying to get better, also have this fear that they don’t measure up. That they probably never will. And in their quiet time, when no one’s around, they wonder if they should just stop. If they should finally let go of the writing and the dream and everything else that goes with it. Because belief is hard and the signs of failure are everywhere.

    Not being able to believe in ourselves prevents us from believing in our work, and this is why many of us never think our stories or novels or screenplays are ready to see the light of day. For all the self-naysayers among us, I have two words for you: shut up. Your head’s in a dangerous place and you’re being self-destructive.  You aren’t preventing rejection. You’re guaranteeing a lack of success.

    It’s time to stop hating on your stories. Write something you like. Write something you would want to read. Tell a story that amuses or haunts or titillates you. Work on making it the best you know how, and then let it go. Send it out into the world, and move on to the next thing. There should always be a next thing.

    When it comes to my own writing, I try to make myself smile. It’s hard to laugh at your own jokes as you’re writing them, but if I do manage to pull it off, I know there’s a good chance I’ve got something good. Sometimes it’s a story. Other times it’s a chapter. I will even admit that I spent the better part of the day chuckling at a one-liner I slipped into scene.

    I realize there’s a chance that my audience could eventually end up just being me. That thought is almost enough to make me want to walk away from the keyboard altogether, but I try not to. Most days I succeed. But when I make myself laugh, I’m having a good time, and it’s a good day. And when other people laugh along with me, well … that’s just about as sweet as it gets.