The Confabulator Cafe

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  • December Friction

    November 30th. The last hours of NaNoWriMo are upon us.

    Today’s a rough day for me. I’m doing my best to cheer on my WriMos and get as many across the finish line as possible. That part’s fun, and rewarding. I love my job as an ML. But personally? It’s tough. Not because of today, but because of tomorrow.

    December 1st is always a lesson in the Newtonian laws of motion.

    Right now, I feel like I’m leaning out of a train car that’s hurtling forward at an ungodly speed. Up ahead, I know the train is going to stop. Abruptly. Absolutely. Violently.

    I’m watching the ground go by in a blur, and I’m thinking, If I don’t jump off, I’m going to come to an abrupt, absolute, violent stop. Ouch.

    But then I think, If I do jump off, just how fast can my little bitty legs carry me? Without the support of the runaway train, how far can I go? How fast? Can my little engine possibly compete with the full speed locomotive of NaNoWriMo?

    What if I stumble? If I fall down? Will I get back up? If I somehow manage to keep my footing, and keep moving forward, for how long? What if I finally pause to take a breath, and realize that standing still feels pretty good?

    November is all about gaining momentum via the surge of other writers all doing the same thing as you. Giving you an excuse to ignore all other distractions for thirty days and focus on just one thing: writing.

    But once November’s over? Boy, does the party end quickly. The forums become ghost towns and everyone realizes, “I need to get back to other things! Writing isn’t the only thing in my life!” It’s not just a lack of wind behind your sails. It’s turning the sea to cement, the air to molasses, the will to write sapped to nearly nothing.

    Ugh. Tough to keep going when November passes, and the December Friction descends.

    Here’s to hoping. I have a lot of story left to tell.

    I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

  • Wait, Where Is This Train Headed?

    Since I’d already hit my word count goals for NaNo, I decided that I wanted to finish the novel before November closed for the year. I only had a few scenes left, so its been looking good.

    Then I did a quick outline and realized that my climatic explosion isn’t actually my climax; its the Big Push that changes my character.

    Um.

    Fuck.

    I knew a lot of my draft was background stuff that would get scrapped. I knew there were gaps in the story that would need to be told. I knew that some of my characters needed more screen time. That this draft was an incomplete creature was not news to me. But looking at it last night, I realized that the explosion is what reveals to my character that there is an antagonist. Its the shit in the aftermath that really allows Johnny to forge an identity and relationships, where he’s just been running for most of the novel.

    In the beginning of November I sat down to write a story about a kid who gets humbled by his new rival and has to learn how to not be a winner.

    I’m closing November with a novel about a depressed kid who takes risks because he doesn’t value his life. He’s slowly erasing his identity, until this big explosion forces him to confront the choices he’s made.

    Well then.

    I’m calling a good month.

  • The Intermission After ‘Winning’

    Since last we met, I haven’t written one word on my NaNoWriMo novel. Not one.

    I’ve been thinking about it, working out some story problems and I sure haven’t been sitting on my hands. Instead, I went back and started editing (again!) and revising last year’s novel for passive-voice verbiage.

    Hoo boy. That’s been a LOT of work. I wrote about that on my blog on Wednesday.

    Why am I doing this? I don’t I’ve mentioned it here but I got feedback from the publisher I sent last year’s novel to ‘revise and resubmit’ it. Since I’m writing the sequel to that novel for this year’s NaNoWriMo, reaching the word count goal and then going back to edit made sense.

    Because I’m seeing a lot of things I can clean up besides just the passive stuff. And once that’s done then I can clean up the passive stuff in the current work and make everything better going forward.

    I’ll cover a lot of this in the postgame report post next week, and hopefully be able to tell you that I’ve finished the work.

    But making it to 50K was a big deal. It always is. Yes, I made it to that goal a couple hours before Christie did but only because she let me. The push between her and Ashley and me was a lot of fun and made it a good challenge to get me to that point. I might not have done it without those two working alongside me. I’m grateful for the motivation.

    So. That’s the update. Next week I’ll look back and give you my impressions of the entire month.

  • The Final Push

    Four thousand two hundred fifty nine words to go [0]. In three evenings. And I am tired. So, so tired.

    This happens every year. I’m going steady all month long, but end up with almost no pad before the final push. I usually end up with my 50,000th word written at the final write-in, at which point I close my notebook, wave goodbye to my fellow-travelers, and stick the whole project in a drawer for a couple of weeks.

    You know how the last twenty miles of a long road trip take the longest? It’s like that. The last 5000 words of each Nanowrimo project are like pushing peanut butter uphill with a bendy straw. I may love the story. I may hate the story. But by gum, there will be a purple bar next to my name. Only the heat death of the universe will stop me.

    I will cook a nice meal— after Friday.
    I will spend time with my family— after Friday.
    I will resurrect my neglected Netflix account— after Friday.
    I will read my library books— after Friday.
    I will take a nice long walk and get some exercise— after Friday.
    Until Saturday, I am still writing.

    [0] As of this writing. As of posting, there will be fewer.

  • Dispatches from the Trenches – Week 4

    NaNoWriMo 2012This is it. The end of the war. And while many of our brave writers have already passed that imaginary line marking the end of their involvement in NaNoWriMo, I am looking at a word count that is just over halfway there.

    I will not finish my 50,000 word count by tomorrow.

    I’m not happy about this. But neither am I depressed. I finished NaNoWriMo last year, but failed to finish my novel. I was determined this year to spend the month editing and finishing last year’s manuscript. But, as you may know, I realized early on that the novel could not be salvaged. I needed to start over.

    So I decided to join in on NaNoWriMo this year. Again. One more time.

    (more…)

  • Downtime

    Image from http://www.caughtatwork.net

    So, obviously, I’m not doing a double NaNo. Or even the NaNo and a half, which was my revised plan.

    The logic behind the plan seemed pretty solid. My day job is to write this book. I should be writing 2k a day already. Everyone else works a day job, then does NaNo, so I should be able to do the same.

    Bzzzzt. Incorrect.

    There was a hole in my logic. The rest of my writer buds went to work or school and did their work there, then switched gears to do NaNo afterwards. I’m not saying it’s been easy for them. I’ve watched everyone sweat through this. The day only has so many hours, and several Lawrence writers pushed themselves so hard they finished before Thanksgiving. (Way to go, guys! I am so proud of  you all!)

    I did pretty well for the first two weeks. I might have finished the first 50k by Thanksgiving too if I hadn’t bitten off so damn much all at once. But I had no downtime. I worked on it all day, then I worked on it again at night. Every waking hour was either writing this book or thinking about the next scene. There was no switching gears for me. No refresh button.

    I lost my freaking mind. I shut off completely and barely wrote a word for nearly a week. So much for being way ahead of the NaNo word-count goals. It took a lot of days of not writing to get behind.

    Had I walked into this with a cool head and said “Hey, I have a book due soon. How convenient that NaNo is here and my writer buddies can help me finish it,” everything would have been fine. I’d have breezed right through the damn thing without breaking a sweat. But I had to go all manic and think I could conquer the world.

    So. Lesson learned. I’m fine now. I’ve got less than 8k words left, and three days to do it in. That’s only a little bit more than what I need to do on a regular work day. I’ll finish on time and walk away knowing my limits and how to organize a proper work day for myself so I can keep those habits forever.

    It’s almost over. Everyone else will go back to their regular lives, and I’ll still be doing NaNo. Every day. Every week. Every month.

    Because first NaNoWriMo taught me how to follow through, and now it’s taught me to stick within my limitations.

    I got this, now. I got this.

  • Looking for a Nap

    So, for the past few posts, I’ve been all over the place. I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad. Mostly this week I’ve just been exhausted.

    Last Tuesday I had my last day of filming for the Doctor Who spinoff I’ve been acting in all summer. It was bittersweet, because while the film shoot was a blast, I’m going to miss seeing those kids. Shameless self-promotion time here. The first episode has aired on youtube, Doctor Who: The Purging of Earth, go check it out. I’ll still be here in half an hour when you come back. I promise. (more…)

  • Escape from Hell is Nigh

    It’s been a weird month. Although I suppose writing a novel that takes place entirely in Hell could have something to do with that.

    It’s also been a stressful month, so at times it’s been figuratively Hell, as well as literally (literature-ally??)

    I knew going into November that it was going to be a tough one. December seemed very far away, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit back and relax again until then.

    I wasn’t too far wrong, although there’s been more relaxing than I originally thought. It’s just guilt-filled relaxation. The kind of relaxation plagued by panic – I have an eight page final exam due in a week and I haven’t started, I’m almost six thousand words behind on my novel, this house is a filthy mess and I’m losing my shit – so even as I’m relaxing, I’m freaking out.

    I’m almost there, though. Only a few more days of NaNo, and right now I’m back on track word count wise. I could write what I have left in one day if I had to.

    Then I can focus solely on my final for a few days before I spend all of December sleeping.

    Although I still have plenty of other responsibilities in December. My duties here at the Cafe, holidays, family, and I may have some responsibility to my novel to actually see it through to the end.

    It’s been a wild ride that has been loads of fun, but many times I was bucked off. In the spirit of NaNo, I kept getting back on the horse, writing more words, and I think somewhere in there might be an entertaining novel with an almost-plot when I’m done on Friday. I might have to cast it loose to my beta readers to see if it’s worth my time, and I will have to be prepared if they tell me it’s not.

    I’d like to keep writing to at least see poor Kit out of Hell, either way. The poor girl has been working awfully hard for the last 45,000 words. I’d hate to leave her on the brink of escape and never find out if she actually makes it or not.

    We’ll both enjoy the TGIO party once it’s done.

  • Pencils Down: You’re Living a Lie

    Stop.

    No matter where you are in your novel right now, just walk away. There’s no point in finishing. We were sold a bill of goods.

    Now you might be saying to yourself, “No, Larry. I’m almost there. 50K is within striking distance.”

    Well, I’m with you fellow sufferers. I’ve got the end goal in my sight, and I was all hyped for that final push until reality hit me in the face this morning. For those of you who haven’t ventured out into the world today (and I’m sure there are many of you, and can I just say you might want to mix in a shower every now and then) here’s how it went down.

    When I was first encouraged to go on this grand hateful adventure, it was my understanding that the final week would be magical. Scantily clad groupies would line the streets and cheer us on with words of encouragement and promises of . . . affection. It is a well-known fact that the opposite sex finds the supple, sloth-like physique of us writer folk irresistible, and I was ready to claim my just rewards. I had, after all, spent countless hours not at the gym, so I was due.

    Having just returned home from walking my children to school, I am sad to report the streets of my neighborhood were largely devoid of anything overtly sexy. (I exclude myself from this sample group, of course.) It is my concern that this may not be a localized phenomenon, and if that is the case, why are any of us killing ourselves over this?

    If we are not writing for glory, sex, and the vanquishing of our enemies, then what is wrong with us? Is it possible we need to recalibrate our goals?

    I say we put a pin in that for now. No need to do anything drastic.

    On the off chance that this morning was just a fluke, I’m going to cobble a few words together and see if the afternoon provides better results.

    You, though. You should just quit. Groupies love a quitter.

  • Moral Victories

    We approach the end of November and my colleagues are hitting their goals. Every day, it seems a new person in our region wins Nanowrimo. I am very proud of them, but also sad for myself.

    It isn’t that I am doing terribly. When I set out on my Nanowrimo tour of duty, this year, I told myself I wanted to write at least 25,000 words. I hit that goal today. However, it will make me a little sad if I am unable to hit 50,000 and get that winner’s bar.

    Writing, and life, are about little goals, and little accomplishments. While most of us aren’t getting any immediate financial gain out of Nanowrimo, although some write with their sights set on publication, there is a lot of satisfaction in saying that you did it. You prevailed against all the other distractions and managed to meet a goal.

    It’s not just any goal. You can’t write 50,000 words in one day, or even one week. It requires a constant commitment sustained over a period of time. That is what life is really about.

    This year, and maybe the next, as well, I know it will be hard to make 50,000 words. There are too many books to read and too many academic papers to write. If I counted all of the academic writing I have done this month, I would easily be beyond 50,000.

    That is part of the price of my master’s degree, to delay my writing career in some way in hopes that the next couple of years will take my writing to an entirely new level. The Nanowrimo after-party will be bittersweet this year. All of the winners will be proud, and I will be proud of them. I will think to the future, to next month and the finishing of my novel, and to all the subsequent Novembers that are bound to be more fruitful.

    Sluggish from leftover turkey, and eyes red from staring at a computer monitor too long, I will be thankful for the experience of Nanowrimo, and all that writing has given me.

    On top of that, I think the novel is going well. My character has had some setbacks, and he has come back more pissed and sarcastic than ever, working around a corrupt system in order to find justice. I am interested to see how it goes for him, and if he gets the girl, who happens to be a nun.