This has not been a good month for me. Which is very frustrating, because normally this is my favorite time of year. I want to start over, but I can’t. Neither life nor the universe work that way. I’m going to have to wait an entire year to get another shot at it. It’s frustrating, to say the least.
The original concept for my novel involved my MC being forced to learn about the world of magic upon the sudden death/murder(?) of his uncle. This lasted for about 18 hours. That night, I received news that my aunt had passed away suddenly. She went from flu-like symptoms, to hospitalization, to terminal, all within the span of about 48 hours. It’s very hard to write a novel with death as a major plot point when you suddenly find yourself in a similar situation.
It had been over 15 years since the last time a member of my immediate family passed away. I knew it was going to happen eventually, of course, but… well, none of us expected Death to skip over my remaining grandparent or my constantly frail uncle when it did. Life is funny that way, I suppose. And while I did not lose a grandma, or a mother, or a wife, as did others in the family… well, it doesn’t really hurt any less. I have to remind myself of that.
Factor in my already precarious mental health, an abnormal sleep schedule, and the myriad physical illnesses from which I have not been able to fully recover, and… well, it seems the common theme of these past few weeks has been dropping the ball. Granted, I am undoubtedly the harshest critic of myself right now– I’ve spent the past few weeks either vaguebooking or outright denying what has happened, and you all have still been nothing but supportive. However, no acts of kindness or displays of empathy can change the undeniable fact that the ball is on the ground. The word count ball, the social activity ball, the responsible adult ball, the simple chores ball, and countless others… dropped or falling.
I am not okay. But… I will be. With luck, sometime within the next two weeks. But if not… well, so be it.
Life goes on.
So will I.
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