The Confabulator Cafe

Author: ljenkins

  • I Hate You! Please Hang Out with Me.

    Hard truth here: I freaking HATE my characters.  And not just the current batch either.  I’m talking all of them.

    Now before you get all judgmental, hear me out.  Your characters are not your friends.  They are lazy, needy little bitches who expect you to do all the heavy lifting.  I, for one, am tired of it.  So I’ve started fighting back.

    When I’m setting up a scene, or even a story for that matter, I usually start with a goal.  What is the overall story question of the book?  In this particular scene, what is the protagonist trying to accomplish?  Does he or she get it done?  Regardless of the answer, what are the consequences of the outcome?

    I put a lot of thought into the architecture of the story, and along those same lines, I have very specific ideas about what roles the characters will play in each of these scenes.  Ideally, you could add a face and a name to each of these roles, and then wind ‘em up and let ‘em go.  But ideally makes for a shitty read, and this is where characters really start to piss me off.

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  • Self-Publishing: A Decision-Making Model

    Self-publishing: A decision making model

  • Start the Damned Thing Already, Just Not There

    Let’s talk about The Sound of Music for a minute.  Maria is, without a doubt, the most decorated sing-off opponent the Nazis have ever faced.  She also had an engaged naval captain thinking naughty thoughts about somebody who belonged to a convent, so she had that going for her.  (I guess.)

    But when it comes to advice about getting the ball rolling, I think Maria might have taken one too many spins around the top of that hill.

    “Let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start.”

    When it comes to storytelling, if you’re starting at the beginning, you’re probably doing it wrong.

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  • You’re Derivative. Get Over It.

    How similar is my own writing to that of the authors I like?

    Right off the bat, I was not a fan of this question.  It really turned me off.  Maybe even pissed me off a little.

    I was all like, “[BLEEP] you, voice on high” (otherwise known as the Café’s editors).  “I don’t write like anybody.  My style is my own.  Maybe you’re the ones who are a bunch of derivative mother-[BLEEP]ers.”

    I’m not going to lie.  It wasn’t pretty.  I went on like that for a good, solid five . . . days, but really who’s counting?  The point is I had this immediate protective reaction for not only the stories I create but the way I create them.  The thought that this voice I’m trying to cultivate might have its origins with someone else was upsetting and disheartening, and it sent my brain spiraling into what I can only describe as a mental hissy fit.

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  • Persistent Stalkers: A Love Story

    Dear Idea:

    If you are shiny and new and interest me in any way, I am yours.  I know I pretend to play hard to get.  I act like I’m choosy about what thoughts I let into my head, and that I have, for lack of a better term, some kind of “standards.”

    Truth is: I’m kind of an idea slut.  And I’m down for almost anything.  So make your pitch, tell me why you’re worth my time, and we’ll see what happens.  If you pique my curiosity, I’m like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, “a sure thing.”

    But let’s be honest here for a moment.  Ideas like you come and go.  We can flirt and maybe mess around a little, but if you’re looking for more, I need to know you have staying power.  So here’s what you’ve got to do.

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  • Rituals: They’re Not Just for Cults Anymore

    As a writer, you need a ritual.  I’d recommend staying away from anything poor-hygiene related, and most states tend to frown on animal sacrifice, but whatever oddball habit you need to cultivate to get your mind right, latch onto it, and repeat it over and over and over again.

    When it comes to your writing routine, you need to be as superstitious as a major league baseball player on a hitting streak.  Think back to a time when you went on a particularly productive writing binge.  Your fingers flew across the keys, your characters were equal parts witty, insightful, and funny, and the voice of self-doubt that so often whispers in our ear was silent for a change.

    It was a good day.  Now go and recreate that experience.

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  • A Life of Beauty and Regret

    Moment of honesty here: I love to read, but rereading . . . not so much.

    One reason for this is that I tend to be a slow reader. My default speed is apparently set at “savor,” and there doesn’t seem to be a lot I can do about it. Not if I want to retain any of what I’m trying to absorb.

    Another thing that factors into my one-and-done philosophy is that I buy into the idea that there are so many books but so little time. I have this mild phobia about the sheer number of books I would like to one day read. I know that list is only going to continue to grow, and there is no possible way I will ever get to the end of it. As a result, there aren’t a lot of literary reruns in my life.

    I’m pretty sure I can count my number of rereads on one hand, and I might even have a finger (and perhaps a thumb) left over. But my favorite on that short list is A Witness to Life by Terence M. Green.

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  • Mindfulness and the Art of Thievery

    All right, so let’s sit down and think about this for a minute: where do story ideas come from?

    Short answer: magic.  But that seems like kind of an unfulfilling blog post, so in the interest of keeping you reading, let’s dive a bit deeper.

    I’ve been on this personal journey lately, trying to “up my game” in the mindfulness category.  Basically, I’m trying to be more aware of the moment I’m experiencing, trying to live in the immediate, while pushing aside the regrets of the past and worries about the future.  That’s not to say that I’ve pledged to live an entirely unplanned existence bobbing through space taking whatever may come and figuring it out as I go along (although I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was a bit of that going on in my life).  What I’m really working on is my focus.  On what’s in front of me.  On what’s important.  On what’s now.

    I think it’s a good philosophy for life and writing.

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